edwards block

Now that I live in a house I am once again potentially exposed to canvassers of the sort that were unable to access my apartment building. The first one was on the day I was moving in. My friend Stephen and I were hauling my possessions out of the truck in front of the house when two local representatives of the Jehovah’s Witnesses stopped to say hello. As soon as I saw them coming I was wary, as I always am when someone approaches me on the street who is dressed up and carrying printed matter.

One of them said “Hello, do you live here?” I avoid lying, but I had no trouble saying “No” and carrying on, as technically I wouldn’t be living there for another hour. Stephen, who has lived in apartments most of his life and therefore has not adopted the passive-aggressive avoidance techniques that work so well in such situations, interrupted and said “Yes you do!”. Conveniently, one of my new roommates appeared in the doorway just then and I said “No I don’t – she does” and pointed at Pat (sorry Pat). I left it to her do deal with and soon they were gone.

The next ones were from Greenpeace, an organisation of which I am generally supportive, so I was somewhat polite to them. However, I still object to being pestered for advertising in my own home, so I got rid of them quickly too.

Yesterday, it was the Girl Guides, flogging cookies. I have much disdain for people who spend all their money on monster SUVs, plasma televisions and satellite dishes – and insist that the government cut their taxes – and then expect their neighbours and co-workers to cough up the dough to pay for their children’s recreational activities. That’s like me buying a truckload of chocolates so that I can sell them to raise money for a new bike. (Hmmm…)

However, I am a bit of a sucker for a cute little girl that meekly whispers “will you buy a cookie?” while staring at her shoes, her father standing off in the background, and I inevitably end up buying a box, or two (or all of them). What kind of father drags his kid away from My Little Pony on HD DVD TV and makes her beg strangers for money, most of which will end up going to a corporate baking conglomerate in New York anyway? Does ‘Social Services’ not have anything to say about this? Maybe they like instilling capitalist zeal in children in order to help keep them from dependency on tax dollars later.

Actually, speaking of Social Services and taxes, maybe the Ministry of Health should get involved. Have you read the back of a box of GG Cookies lately? Three “Chocolately Mint” cookies (manufactured by “Dare”) account for 38% of my recommended daily intake of trans-fatty acids (the DDT of the 21st century, if the news is any indication). I’ve put away most of a box of these cookies in the past 24 hours.

Are the Girl Guides trying to kill me? Could they not be selling Voortman cookies, a company at least committed to eliminating trans fats from their products? I wonder if it would be cheaper to have a child recreation tax in 2006 dollars than to pay for my triple bypass in 2025 dollars?